What's On Your Rider?

I was planning to post the second part of Swimming Downstream, but I felt like keeping it light today.    

What's a Rider?

For those that don't know, a rider is a list of requests for the artist who is performing.  The artist typically asks for these things to provide them comfort, a sense of stability, safety, and helps them maintain their mental and physical well-being.  

Rider Controversies

Last year, people were up in arms over Beyonce's alleged rider.  It was reported that she required alkaline water be chilled to 21 degrees, red toilet paper, and $900 titanium straws, among other things.  

Mariah Carey's rider has people calling her the ultimate diva.  She requires champagne with a straw, a red carpet for entry into buildings, air purifiers, white candles, and more.  

Jennifer Lopez's rider has people thinking that she is no longer low maintenance Jenny from the block.  Everything must be white: furniture, drapery, candles, flowers, the works!  

Madonna requests 20 international phone lines and lilies and white and light pink roses with stems trimmed to exactly 6 inches.  

The media likes to call riders "demands".  The word "demand" has such a negative connotation to it.  When someone demands something, usually our response is, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

What's On Your Rider?

Think of a rider as something that you deserve, because of how hard you work.  Your hard work has gotten you to the level where a rider is customary.  It's something that helps you continue to do your job to the best of your ability.  

If you were a performer or a speaker, what would be on your rider?  Would you want your room painted a certain color?  Would you request flowers?  If so, what kind?  What kind of snacks would your dressing room need to have?  Don't forget about your family, entourage, or staff!  Would you include special requests for them?  Let's have some fun!  Throw in one really wacky and explain why you need it.  Totally looking forward to reading your responses!

In the Meantime...
Head on over to Swimming Downstream and be sure to leave a comment.  We would love to hear about some of your beliefs about achieving goals and ways that you've made it easier to be healthy.  We'll pick up the discussion about the Path in the next post!

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Sint-Katelijne-Wave

Swimming Downstream

Here at Big Diva HQ, we talk a lot about personal development, growth, life lessons, healing, and so on.  From time to time we talk about health.  

Health is a very important part of personal development and growth for many reasons.  One of the biggest reasons is that our emotional issues manifest in the body.  The post about emotional eating touched on the overwhelming feeling of being stuck and weighed down.  The body mirrors the emotions, especially long standing deep rooted emotions.  So while we are working on our emotional health, let's talk about physical health too.

Least Resistance

I have a theory that most people like the Path of Least Resistance.  I like to think of it as a wild roaring stream of water just like in the picture.  It isn't that people have an aversion to working hard for things, but our natural tendency is towards things that are easy.  We like going with the flow.  

With regards to physical health, even though people count calories, write down every morsel that they put into their mouths in a food journal, do certain exercises that they hate for a specific amount of time, it is so easy for them to fall off of the wagon, because it goes against the Path of Least Resistance.  It's fighting the current to swim upstream.  

I'm not saying that those things are wrong or that they don't work, because I've done them and I know that they do.  What I am saying is that there is a strong possibility that strategies that take too much effort, that don't flow, won't last long term for most people.  

White Knuckles

People usually get white knuckles when they are struggling or when they are trying so hard and squeezing so tightly to something that the blood flow in their hand cuts off and their knuckles turn white.  That Doesn't sound good.  

I don't know about you, but I don't want to white knuckle anything.  I believe that we can work hard, but the work doesn't need to be hard.  There is a difference.  

For example, you can work hard at swimming, but swimming isn't hard to you, because you love it.  On the other hand, you hate to jog, but you do it to get in your exercise.  If you achieved the same results by swimming as you would if you jogged and there were no barriers to do either activity, which would you rather do?  Would you rather work hard improving your lap times in the pool or work hard improving your time on the treadmill?   You would rather take the Path of Least Resistance and do what you loved.  The problem comes in when there are blockages in the Path, which makes it harder to do what you would normally gravitate towards.  

All or Nothing

I've started moving away from the "All or Nothing" attitude.  In the past, I believed that if I wasn't struggling to lose weight or fighting to hold on to the progress that I had made, then I would never lose it.  On the other hand, I also believed that if I did lose weight and it didn't involve some kind of painful struggle, then I wouldn't appreciate what I had achieved and would gain it all back.  The "All" was to fight and the "Nothing" was failure.  

Another Approach

Instead of limits, plans, and restrictions aka "The Struggle", I naturally took the Path of Least Resistance.  I let it go.  I figured that I could do what I wanted and eat what I wanted in moderation.  Dr. Phil likes to ask people, "How's that working for ya?".  My response is that it's not working as well as I had hoped.  Progress is super slow.  Womp womp...

I know that it is time to switch things up.  I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear from you.

Lights.  Camera.  Action

Tell us your story.  What were some of your beliefs about reaching your goal?  What are some ways that you have made it easier to be healthy?  How have things been working out for you?  As always, your comments are very helpful to all of us.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Next Up...

For the next post, we'll continue our discussion about the Path, beliefs, and also discuss some of the tips that you guys have sent that have been working for you.  Have a great week and be safe out there!

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Trey Ratcliff

Highest High

Last month, OWN replayed an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love.  In the middle of the show, she began speaking about how she records her happiest moment of each day and writes it in her journal.

Since the first day of the new year, I have been writing what I like to call my Highest High in my journal.  Every day right before I go to sleep, I pick my Highest High and write about it, going into every detail I can before I close my eyes.  It's a great way to end on a high note.  (See what I did there?  Ha!)

It's so cool to go back and reread all of your highs.  It is truly a reminder of all of the wonderful moments in your life for which to be grateful.  I highly recommend reading it after a rough day.  I guarantee that it will boost your mood instantly.

It's also great to look at patterns.  Find your common highs.  By doing so, you can see what really brings you joy and make an effort to do more of those things.  

Looking through what I've written, I find that spending time with my nephew lights up my world.  Being around him for any stretch of time makes me so... high!  lol  The other thing that I find that shows up often is connecting with others, whether it is a kind gesture from a stranger, deep and meaningful conversation with a good friend, sharing a bit of laughter with co-workers, or reading a thoughtful comment here.  Connection, genuine connection, truly pushes all of the right buttons for me.

Lights. Camera. Action.
I pose this challenge to you.  Every night for the next month, I challenge you to write what your Highest High of the day or your happiest moment in a journal.

We can all start right now.  So far, what has been your highest high today?  If you don't have one just yet, share yesterday's highest high.

As always, your comments are meaningful and helpful to others in the community.  I look forward to connecting.  :-)

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Hamed Saber

BP = Body Positive

We live in a society obsessed with looks.  We are constantly barraged with ads, on-screen images, and comments from others that tell us in so many words that we are not good enough the way that we are.  We aren't thin enough.  Our bodies aren't the right proportions.  We look hideous.  We should either hide or buy whatever they're selling to make us look better and have better lives.

Years of built up messages that we have absorbed have taken their toll on our self esteem.  We've taken on the thoughts echoed by the companies behind these products and these judgmental, unhappy people.  Now we say these very things to ourselves.  Repeatedly.  

When was the last time that you said something positive about your body?  Many of us never do.  We complain and affirm the negative several times daily.  As a result of our feelings about it, we push, pull, cut, hide, and diminish all that our bodies are.  It's time to recognize that even with imperfections, it is still a wondrous suit that we wear.

Time For a Change

This year, I've made a conscious decision to treat my body better.  This goes beyond eating and exercising.  This is about changing my relationship with my body from one filled with disdain to one full of adoration, respect, love, and healing.  

I've started by doing by affirmations, along with small rituals that I do every day to reconnect with my body.  

New Affirmations

Here are some affirmations that I've added to my mirror work routine.

I am grateful to God for every inch of my body.

I am perfect exactly the way that I am.

I am a Goddess.

I am enough.

I am healing my relationship with my body.

My BPP - Body Positive Prayer

Lights.  Camera.  Action.

This week, I'd like to pose a challenge for all of us.  Pick an area of your body that you feel the worst about.  It's the one that you are most critical of and try to hide.  

Write down 5 positive things about it.  Please feel free to share what you came up with the community.  

Also, please share ways, besides eating and exercise,  that you show positivity to your body.  Your comments are very helpful and greatly appreciated as always.  

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Leah

Simplicity in the New Year

Today is the first day of a brand new year.  2013 rolled out of here as of 12 am and 2014 entered in its place.

On December 30th, I moved my desk out of my bedroom.  It sounds so simple, yet it was so monumental.  The idea was that I wanted to change the energy in my home, starting with the place where I spend the most time: my bedroom.  It has always felt and looked like total chaos.  I wanted to change the energy from that to peace and serenity.  

Our homes should be a place of solace and our bedrooms should be a place of relaxation and rest.  It should be a place to recharge your battery.  I recognize that it can't be that, if there is clutter or things that give off opposing energies.  My desk gives off the energy of work, things to do, get stuff done, go go go, and so on.  It's no wonder that I always feel like I should be doing something whenever I come in here.  I've wanted to move it for the longest time and, finally, I have.

For the past few days, I have been shifting things, donating, and clearing out things that I don't want or need.  It is utter destruction in here, but I know that it is worse before it gets better.  It's all a part of the healing.  

I Got A Sign

The next day after moving my desk, I was checking my Facebook and came across Doreen Virtue's reading for the new year.  

Normally, I would have kept scrolling, but I got the feeling that I should watch it.  Not even 5 minutes into the video, she said that she received a one word message about the theme for the new year and the word is simplicity.  

As soon as she said it, everything just clicked.  This overwhelming need that I've had these last few weeks to detox is spot on with this year's theme.  The video was a sign for me that I am on the right track and the treasures on the other side of this process are life changing.  

Message For You

We all have so much.  Despite that, we go through life wishing that we had the bigger, the better, and the baddest while downplaying all that we do have.  Some of us rush out there as soon as we can to bring even more into our lives, because we think that we need it.  We just throw it on top of our stuff in hopes that it will somehow change our lives.  Eventually, we learn that the thought was pretty far from the truth.  

Constant accumulation just crowds us.  It stifles our growth.  We ultimately become slaves to our things, needing more money and time to maintain that which we continue to acquire.  It is a heavy feeling and that feeling is hurting us.  

Now is the time to let it go.  It's time to take inventory of what you really have in your life and whether or not it truly serves you.  Furniture, clothes, books, goals, friends, shoes, work, and so on.  Look at it all and ask yourself, is this something that I need that will take me to the next level in the new year?  If the answer is no, then bless it and set it free.  

Be kind in the process.

Recognize the goodness in what you are releasing and just how much it meant to you at some point.  Keep in mind that what you are letting go of can serve someone else.  What better way to simplify your life than by donating things, recycling, repurposing, or selling.  Someone out there would love to have some of the things that you no longer need.  Give it away and if it is something of great value, sell it and use the money for something that you really need like a family vacation, school tuition, funds to start a new business.

The Importance of Simplifying

Simplifying is in line with detoxifying.  In order for true healing to occur for any of us, first we need to detox.  In order receive, we need to make room for our blessings and opportunities.  Simplifying ultimately opens us up to to all of the things that the Universe has to offer.  That starts with shifting out the dead weight and moving things around for positive energy to flow.  

Ahh...

I don't know about you, but I feel it already.  It's been 2 days since I've moved my desk and the heavy energy that had descended upon the room is gone.   When I wake up in the morning, I feel so much lighter.  I know that the feeling will only strengthen as I continue on.  I hope that you take on the theme of simplicity too.  You will be much better for it by simply making room for the goodness to come in.

Tell Us

Instead of new years resolutions, tell us just how you plan to simplify your life.  As always, your comments are very helpful to the community.  We look forward to reading what you have to say.

New Year's Blessings

Here is to the new year!!  

May this year be filled with wonderful blessings, perfect opportunities, abundance, prosperity, and good health for all of you.  Thank you all so much for your continued support and I look forward to everything that this year has to hold for all of us.   Be blessed and be a blessing today and every day!

Photo credit lurve: Photo by DXB.Paparazzi

Layers

I hate mopping my floor.  I know that I don't do it as often as I should, so one day I decided to do it old school.  I decided to scrub it by hand.   

As I scrubbed, the area lightened to reveal a brighter surface underneath.  The layer was revealed.

Even though I couldn't see it on the floor, some old gray cat fur from Bella came up and was stuck in my brush.  The thing is, Bella died over 2 years ago.  I've mopped my floor many times since she's passed, but the mop just cleaned the surface.  

I have a new cat, Chessie,  and before I adopted her, I cleaned out Bella's old toys and things.  I wanted Chessie to be able to make my home her own and feel comfortable.  Animals are pretty sensitive about these things.  I thought that I was successful, especially since Chessie adjusted very well, but in scrubbing the floor, I found that Bella was very much still here. I hadn't cleared my house of her as much as I thought.

I thought about how this applied to my own life.  I looked at my relationships in particular.  For the most part, gave myself time to heal from heartaches and work through the things that had happened before I moved on to the next one.  I thought that I was totally ready to venture into something new, when in actuality, I hadn't fully healed.  

I thought that I was fine.  I can say an ex's name with out breaking out a voodoo doll or wishing for his penis to fall off.  I can think about a past relationship and take responsibility for my own mistakes.  I can see them or talk to them and be civil.  I can think of exes and honestly wish the best for them.  I moved on and they did too, but there was this thin film that I didn't know was there.  It recently came up when I took it upon myself to focus on true forgiveness and healing in my life.

At standing eye level, everything looks fine, but when you kneel down and start scrubbing that dull surface, you can see that the dullness is a thin layer of impacted dirt that had formed over the years.  Despite sweeping and mopping it, it was still there.  It takes special attention and serious work to clear it completely.   Elbow grease and loving care should help it along.

You will find that when you get into it, there will be things that come up, that you will be amazed are still there after all these years: buildup from past relationships in high school, residual dirt from issues from your childhood, and all kinds of pathologies that have been passed down through generations that you never even knew. 

As painful or as gross as it is, know that it gets worse before it gets better.  Dip your brush in the bucket and keep scrubbing.  You'll get through it and you'll be so much better for it.

Lights.  Camera.  Action.

In the comments below, what are you currently working to heal?  What techniques are you using to clear past hurts from your life?  Remember, your response can help others who are going through similar situations.  I look forward to reading what you have to say.

Happy New Year!!

By the next time you'll hear from me, it will be 2014!!!  I want to thank you all for your continued support.  You all have taught me so much this year about kindness, goodness, vulnerability, connection, and unity.  You've taught me that we are all one.  

I wish all of you a joyously blessed holiday season and peace, prosperity, and good health in the new year!  :-)

Photo credit lurve: Photo by _namtaf_

What Are You Up To?

Hey everyone!  I hope that you had a wonderful Thanskgiving!!

As many of you know, a few months ago, I started a business.  At first, I struggled with what I really wanted to do with it.  You see, I am multi-passionate, therefore I have a ton of ventures that I want to do.  I can be all over the place devoting a little energy here, some over there,  and then throw some to the back.  

I exhaust myself working on all these things at one time.  When I finally raise my head, I see that several months have passed and I am no closer to a finished product.

I decided to focus on just two things for now and once those are running, I can devote time to the other endeavors.  Besides blogging, I am developing a class.  I've been helping people in a lot of ways for most of my life, through work or voluntarily, so why not bottle it up and distribute it to the masses?  I'm not just speaking about it this time, but I am actually putting it together.  I never realized that putting together a good course is a lot of hard work.  It is amazing how many hours I've dedicated to creating it.  There is a deeper level of preparation that goes beyond simply creating an outline and filming at 11.  I'm really excited about it all!

What About You?
I'm blessed to have such enterprising readers and friends.  I am always so amazed by the balls that you guys are tossing around and how easy you make it look.

In the comments below, please share with us what you guys are working on.  What products are you creating?  What services are you providing?  What classes are you taking?  Where are you spending your time?  Feel free to share links to webpages and such.  Beware that overly spammy and affiliate links will be deleted.

Since so many of you are also multi-passionate multitasking ninjas, what are the things that help you get it all done and make it look like second nature?  

As always, your comments are very helpful to the community and who knows?  Your share may lead you to a potential connection, client, or partnership.  I look forward to reading what you have to say.

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Kevin Dooley

The Ask

I'm having a hard time.  

I'm having a hard time with "The Ask".  I guess I should start by telling you what it is.  The Ask is a request for help.

I've never been good with The Ask.  I don't know when this started, to be honest.  I've been the shoulder, the support, the pillar, the strong one for as long as I can remember.  People lean on me.  I've come to define myself that way.  

The Ask has represented weakness to me.  Maybe it is something that I've told myself in order to mask the real issue behind it.  It's fear.

Fear of possibly being rejected.

Fear of being let down.

Fear of depending on someone else.

Fear that I will appear weak.

All around fear.

This is something that has been coming up for me lately.  I'm loosening the reigns of control and coming to terms with the fact that I am not Wonder Woman.  I can't do everything.  I can't be everything to everyone else and shoulder my stuff too.  

I am learning to say no.  I'm learning to put me first.  I'm learning to get comfortable with The Ask.  It's been difficult for me, but it's necessary.

One of the biggest lessons that I've learned with this blog is that by shining a light on an issue, I find that I am not alone.  You guys have such great advice and suggestions.  I feel a genuine connection with all of you and it means a lot to me.

Lights, Camera, Action

How do you feel about The Ask?  Have you struggled with it?  How have you worked through it?  As always, your responses are very helpful to the community, so please feel free to share in the comments below.  I look forward to reading your responses.

Photo credit lurve: Photo by Victor Bezrukov

I Love TED!

Hello everyone!  I hope that you are having a good day so far.  I was working on a piece to post, but I want to change it around to make it a bit more meaningful, so instead I want to share a few of my favorite TED Talks.

For those of you who are wondering, TED Talks are conferences that are held around the world where intellectuals and experts give speeches about different things including science, technology, the human psyche, and social issues.

Many of you may be familiar with Dr. Brene' Brown's epic TED Talks about vulnerability:

There are many talks that you may find insightful:

Inspiring:

Fun:

Feel free to watch the videos above to get a taste of what's there or find your own on the TED website.  Please share some links to the ones that touched you, made you laugh, or made you think about the world in a different way.  As always, we welcome and appreciate your contribution.  :-)

What Are You Reading?

I absolutely love to read.  

I love a story that I can just lose myself in.  One that transports me to another place in time where I can see the sights, hear the sounds, and experience the life of the characters as they are described.  

I also like reading books that teach me things.  Whether the books are meant to give me the tools to stop procrastinating like Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy (thanks for the daily tips, Janeane!) or ones that help me answer questions about life like Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, I love being able to walk away from books with something that I can apply to my life.  

Currently I'm reading The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer.  I first heard of him from his interview with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday.   I just started reading it yesterday.  Since I'm on vacation this week, I am sure that I will finish it quickly and then I'll need another one to read. 

"Letting go of fear is not letting go of life." - Michael A. Singer

I'm always on the hunt for good books.  What are you guys reading?  What was the last book that you read?  What are some books that you recommend and why?  As always, I appreciate your comments and look forward to reading them! 
Photo credit lurve: Photo by Brittney Bush Bollay