The Approach

I was sent on a work related assignment to California, the OC - (Orange County) to be exact.  Everyone that I told was super excited for me.  They know that I love to travel.  One of my goals is to visit every state, so I would finally be able to cross Cali off of my list.  As a matter of fact, I had not gone farther than Texas, so I would be able to say that I've traveled from coast to coast.

When I first heard that I would be going, I was pretty nervous.  I had no idea what to expect.  I mean, it's the OC for goodness sake.  Wasn't there a show on tv of the same name?  Any and everything that I've ever seen or heard about Cali is that everyone is tiny, blond, shallow, and has fake body parts.   In my mind, this definitely wasn't a Big Diva friendly place at all.  The worst case scenario is that I would be looked at and treated like Shrek.

Do you see what I did here?  Based on fictional movies and shows, I was bracing myself.  I was developing the chip on my shoulder.  I WAS CREATING THE INTENTION! (Law of Attraction).  My assumption that everyone in the LA / OC area was or wanted to look like a stuck up Barbie doll caused me to think that they would look down their noses at me. 

One of the big problems with this is that it puts you on the defensive.  You've trained your mind to focus on negative occurrences only.  Everything negative that happens can ONLY happen because you are fat, a woman, a minority, are short, are physically impaired or whatever. If you're not able to get a table at the Ivy in 5 minutes with no reservation, it can only be because you're fat, not because eating here without a reservation is damn near impossible since it's a very busy place all of the time.  Being told that the club is not admitting any more patrons has to be because they are discriminating against you, not because the club is already past fire hazard level.  The guy you were flirting with didn't want to give you his number.  Your first thought is that he's probably racist.  It never occurred to you that he has a girlfriend already or that he might not be into girls.

In all three of these examples, you've created the intention that there is negativity directed at you.  As a result, you act accordingly.  You may be sad, because you think that people are being mean to you.  You snap at people, because you're angry.  You let these things affect your day / night, and that in turn taints your attitude and your behavior.  Notice how from that point on, everything goes wrong.  pantyhose get a run in them, you break a nail, you trip, etc.  It's like a domino effect!

I admit, I too am guilty of doing this.    Sometimes when I go to certain type of events or venues, I think that I am not going to get any attention because of my weight.  I create this intention and sure enough, my thought comes true:  no attention.  However, it's not necessarily because of my weight, but because I act up.  I'm not smiling, nor am I dancing and having a good time.  I'm mean mugging something serious , so I don't appear to be approachable, and I am searching for anyone who might be talking smack or looking at me weird.  Who wants to talk to a chick like that?  Regardless of how she looked, the answer would be no one.  Any time that I have gone out and remained open minded, smiled, and left my prejudgments and negative intentions at home, I've had much better experiences.

I thought that I would hate LA and would be itching to get back home.  I totally didn't expect it to be a place of very friendly and laid back people and beautiful landscapes.  Some guy in Hollywood even tried to holla.  lol  Shocking!  :p  So thank you, Cali, for reminding me to smile and not be so defensive.  It is not important to fit in, but it is important to be a comfortable and confident you!  Get comfortable in your skin.  Trust me when I tell you that being open, confident, and approachable is a game changer.  People do notice these things.  They are curious as to your source of happiness and joy.

Keep in mind that they're going to be people who may look at you funny or have something negative to say, but don't focus your attention on them and their hateful ways.  They've got bigger problems than you or I have time to deal with, plus they aren't worth the energy.  Focus on the positive and enjoy your life.  You'll be a much better person for it.  :-)

From My Heart...

There are some things right now that are going on in my personal life that are causing me to open my eyes, ask questions of myself, and reevaluate some things.  In my advice to others, I feel like I need to take it myself sometimes, so I wanted to write about it.  This post may even seem a bit choppy or weird, almost like a diary, and for that I apologize, but this post is from the heart, so I hope that you cut me some slack. 

All around me I am seeing just how important communication really is.  I'm not talking about randomly speaking to strangers or talking to coworkers, but honest communication with loved ones and even yourself.  In real life, although it may be hard to believe, I am kind of shy.  I am a bit reserved and I have my issues with drawing too much attention to myself.  (More on that later.)  I say yes to things that I'd rather not do, because I don't want to hurt other peoples' feelings or make others uncomfortable.  I am protective of myself, (maybe a bit too much), and can be a bit guarded.  Sometimes, I have a tendency to let ish ride just so I don't make waves or cause problems.  I think that I am doing all of this for the greater good, but in the end, am I really?  Who gets hurt when I keep things to myself?  I do, for one.  Why is that ok??  How can anyone give me what I want if I don't ask?  A closed mouth doesn't get fed, right?  How can I experience the peaks of happiness if I accept crap that I get from others?

I am currently looking at the absolute worse case scenarios of what happens when you take dat, take dat, take dat, without so much as a whimper of discomfort.  It creates a feeling of being taken advantage of, like you or your feelings don't matter, or a feeling of resentment, distrust, and beaten until you snap and in the worse way.  In the aftermath, there are bodies of people who love and care about you, who are left holding the bag like, "what the hell just happened?  I don't understand where all of this is coming from." 

In cases like that, who is to blame?  You can't blame the other person for taking advantage, really.  You have to blame yourself, because it is your job to protect you.  Part of that has to do with speaking up.  Ask for what you want.  Ask for what you need.  Tell people when you are upset and why.  Put it out there that you are hurt.  Don't let it linger and fester.  Jump for joy and shot out to the heavens when you are happy.  Show love to the people who mean something to you.  Show gratitude to those who do things for you, no matter how small.  Trust me, a simple mention of appreciation can a long way.  Say something!!  Take that leap and put yourself out there!

"Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life." - Miguel Angel Ruiz

As I've said, there is a lesson in many things.  You can find a lesson in your good and bad experiences.  Although people don't recognize them as much, you can also learn from other people's experiences.  How many times have we ignored our parents' warning about something only to realize that they were right all along.  Of course, we learned this by doing exactly what they told us not to do and had to suffer the consequences.  Well, I've been on this merry-go-round long enough.  It's time to get off.  The dizziness is causing headaches.

From this point forward, I am using all of these experiences around me to help me be a better person to myself and others.  So, if I say something to you that is unlike me, I am being honest for the greater good and it's coming from a place of love:  love for me and for you, as well.  Get used to it.

"Dear Universe,
I finally realize what you've been trying to tell me. All of these things going on around me have made it crystal clear. I am listening and I've heard you. Changes are coming soon. Peace and Blessings..." - Me (Ms. Pillowz)