Friday, May 7, 2010

From My Heart...


There are some things right now that are going on in my personal life that are causing me to open my eyes, ask questions of myself, and reevaluate some things.  In my advice to others, I feel like I need to take it myself sometimes, so I wanted to write about it.  This post may even seem a bit choppy or weird, almost like a diary, and for that I apologize, but this post is from the heart, so I hope that you cut me some slack. 

All around me I am seeing just how important communication really is.  I'm not talking about randomly speaking to strangers or talking to coworkers, but honest communication with loved ones and even yourself.  In real life, although it may be hard to believe, I am kind of shy.  I am a bit reserved and I have my issues with drawing too much attention to myself.  (More on that later.)  I say yes to things that I'd rather not do, because I don't want to hurt other peoples' feelings or make others uncomfortable.  I am protective of myself, (maybe a bit too much), and can be a bit guarded.  Sometimes, I have a tendency to let ish ride just so I don't make waves or cause problems.  I think that I am doing all of this for the greater good, but in the end, am I really?  Who gets hurt when I keep things to myself?  I do, for one.  Why is that ok??  How can anyone give me what I want if I don't ask?  A closed mouth doesn't get fed, right?  How can I experience the peaks of happiness if I accept crap that I get from others?

I am currently looking at the absolute worse case scenarios of what happens when you take dat, take dat, take dat, without so much as a whimper of discomfort.  It creates a feeling of being taken advantage of, like you or your feelings don't matter, or a feeling of resentment, distrust, and beaten until you snap and in the worse way.  In the aftermath, there are bodies of people who love and care about you, who are left holding the bag like, "what the hell just happened?  I don't understand where all of this is coming from." 

In cases like that, who is to blame?  You can't blame the other person for taking advantage, really.  You have to blame yourself, because it is your job to protect you.  Part of that has to do with speaking up.  Ask for what you want.  Ask for what you need.  Tell people when you are upset and why.  Put it out there that you are hurt.  Don't let it linger and fester.  Jump for joy and shot out to the heavens when you are happy.  Show love to the people who mean something to you.  Show gratitude to those who do things for you, no matter how small.  Trust me, a simple mention of appreciation can a long way.  Say something!!  Take that leap and put yourself out there!
"Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life." - Miguel Angel Ruiz
As I've said, there is a lesson in many things.  You can find a lesson in your good and bad experiences.  Although people don't recognize them as much, you can also learn from other people's experiences.  How many times have we ignored our parents' warning about something only to realize that they were right all along.  Of course, we learned this by doing exactly what they told us not to do and had to suffer the consequences.  Well, I've been on this merry-go-round long enough.  It's time to get off.  The dizziness is causing headaches.

From this point forward, I am using all of these experiences around me to help me be a better person to myself and others.  So, if I say something to you that is unlike me, I am being honest for the greater good and it's coming from a place of love:  love for me and for you, as well.  Get used to it.
"Dear Universe,
I finally realize what you've been trying to tell me. All of these things going on around me have made it crystal clear. I am listening and I've heard you. Changes are coming soon. Peace and Blessings..." - Me (Ms. Pillowz)

4 comments:

  1. *arelis gives Ms. Pillowz a hug* Some people never take that step to put themselves first. To say to others, I'd love to help you but its not possible right now. Its ok to say NO :) The first time you do it its scary and I personally hate confrontation. However for your sanity's sake sometimes you have to be firm or you know it'll just come back to bite you in the end. A lot of the times they really just do not know all the things you have to do during your day so its good to let them know. And yes share the good to because that will not only brighten up their day but yours as well. Keep us updated on your journey!

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  2. Thank you, Arelis! I just love hugs. :-) Thank you for your comment and I will most definitely keep you posted. ;-)

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  3. Oh Boy Ms. Pillowz is going to be telling us like it really is! :-)

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  4. Look out world! lol

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