Monday, May 24, 2010

The Approach

I was sent on a work related assignment to California, the OC - (Orange County) to be exact.  Everyone that I told was super excited for me.  They know that I love to travel.  One of my goals is to visit every state, so I would finally be able to cross Cali off of my list.  As a matter of fact, I had not gone farther than Texas, so I would be able to say that I've traveled from coast to coast.

When I first heard that I would be going, I was pretty nervous.  I had no idea what to expect.  I mean, it's the OC for goodness sake.  Wasn't there a show on tv of the same name?  Any and everything that I've ever seen or heard about Cali is that everyone is tiny, blond, shallow, and has fake body parts.   In my mind, this definitely wasn't a Big Diva friendly place at all.  The worst case scenario is that I would be looked at and treated like Shrek.

Do you see what I did here?  Based on fictional movies and shows, I was bracing myself.  I was developing the chip on my shoulder.  I WAS CREATING THE INTENTION! (Law of Attraction).  My assumption that everyone in the LA / OC area was or wanted to look like a stuck up Barbie doll caused me to think that they would look down their noses at me. 

One of the big problems with this is that it puts you on the defensive.  You've trained your mind to focus on negative occurrences only.  Everything negative that happens can ONLY happen because you are fat, a woman, a minority, are short, are physically impaired or whatever. If you're not able to get a table at the Ivy in 5 minutes with no reservation, it can only be because you're fat, not because eating here without a reservation is damn near impossible since it's a very busy place all of the time.  Being told that the club is not admitting any more patrons has to be because they are discriminating against you, not because the club is already past fire hazard level.  The guy you were flirting with didn't want to give you his number.  Your first thought is that he's probably racist.  It never occurred to you that he has a girlfriend already or that he might not be into girls.

In all three of these examples, you've created the intention that there is negativity directed at you.  As a result, you act accordingly.  You may be sad, because you think that people are being mean to you.  You snap at people, because you're angry.  You let these things affect your day / night, and that in turn taints your attitude and your behavior.  Notice how from that point on, everything goes wrong.  pantyhose get a run in them, you break a nail, you trip, etc.  It's like a domino effect!

I admit, I too am guilty of doing this.    Sometimes when I go to certain type of events or venues, I think that I am not going to get any attention because of my weight.  I create this intention and sure enough, my thought comes true:  no attention.  However, it's not necessarily because of my weight, but because I act up.  I'm not smiling, nor am I dancing and having a good time.  I'm mean mugging something serious , so I don't appear to be approachable, and I am searching for anyone who might be talking smack or looking at me weird.  Who wants to talk to a chick like that?  Regardless of how she looked, the answer would be no one.  Any time that I have gone out and remained open minded, smiled, and left my prejudgments and negative intentions at home, I've had much better experiences.

I thought that I would hate LA and would be itching to get back home.  I totally didn't expect it to be a place of very friendly and laid back people and beautiful landscapes.  Some guy in Hollywood even tried to holla.  lol  Shocking!  :p  So thank you, Cali, for reminding me to smile and not be so defensive.  It is not important to fit in, but it is important to be a comfortable and confident you!  Get comfortable in your skin.  Trust me when I tell you that being open, confident, and approachable is a game changer.  People do notice these things.  They are curious as to your source of happiness and joy.

Keep in mind that they're going to be people who may look at you funny or have something negative to say, but don't focus your attention on them and their hateful ways.  They've got bigger problems than you or I have time to deal with, plus they aren't worth the energy.  Focus on the positive and enjoy your life.  You'll be a much better person for it.  :-)


  1. Ms. Pillowz, you hit it on the nail! Its the law of attraction! What you project out is what you get back! The minute a negative thought pops into your head go to your happy place. Carry that happy place with you on an index card or a keepsake. Once you start focusing on being positive, of thinking happy thoughts, you'll get freaked out at how much good vibes come your way. My tip for today, negative people sometimes need to be reminded that they are being negative, don't be afraid to say it to them. You are being negative and its unwanted now SHOO! The stares and glances will bounce right off you. Negative people will fall back. What person stuck in Negative Land wants a happy sunshiny person messing up their flow! The awesome thing is you'll attract others like your happy sunshiny self! Now if you're still stuck on sunshiny, and the fact that you don't think its a word, its in my dictionary :) Can't wait to go to Cali!

  2. i'm slowly learning this lesson.
    despite appearances,
    i'm not a friendly girl,
    but one of my resolutions this year has been to smile more.
    it's getting easier,
    and i'm doing it without thought now.

    gotta love progress. :)

  3. ultrasound technicianMay 26, 2010 at 7:20 AM

    found your site on today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later

  4. Great post!!!! I love the positivity.

  5. Thank you! :-)

  6. Of course you're a friendly girl! It's in there. You just have her protected right now. So glad to hear about your progess. Feels good, doesn't it? :-)

  7. Thank you so much for your comment! You are absolutely right! I like the idea of the index card. Just so you know, I will be adding "sunshiny" to my personal dictionary too. lol :-) You will like Cali indeed.

  8. Cool - Please do come back to visit. Thanks for your comment!

  9. really great post hun.

    i always expect to have the best interaction anywhere that i go...

    it is as you wrote...about intention...aura...expectation..

    they are powerful...

  10. Thank you! You're absolutely right! I see from your posts at and your tweets that having that expectation has worked well for you. :-) You always look like you're having a blast.