Monday, March 18, 2013

Testing, testing... Is this thing on?


Photo by: BdwayDiva1

It's been over a year since I've updated this blog.  A lot has happened since I last wrote here.  I know that some of you are feeling some kind of way that I've left you hanging without a word.  For that, I extend my apologies.

To be totally honest, I planned to quit.  
I wrote that last post, life got real, and the next thing I knew, weeks turned into months.  Every now and then, people that remained in touch would ask, "What's up with the blog?", and I would respond that it would be back or "I'm currently working on a post".  

Eventually, months turned into even more months and before I knew it, a year had passed.  In the end of the day, I wasn't being honest.  It had been so long that I didn't think that there was a point to returning.  I wanted to quit.

What a lot of you don't know...
Not more than 2 months after that post, my relationship ended.  I wanted to ball up in a corner and disappear, but I had to keep it together.  I had to head out on the road for 2 weeks for work before I was done traveling for the year.  Tack on top of that, it was the holidays and I would be spending it alone.  Again.

I was hurt, upset, and emotionally and physically exhausted.  I was also embarrassed.  Every time I opened my blog and I saw that big honking declaration, "I'm Engaged!", I felt like a fraud.  It brought up feelings of failure and shame.  I talk about positivity and gratitude and asking for what you want.  I told my friends about how successful making a list (as suggested in O Magazine) had been for me and people were asking me advice about how to find their dream boo.  Now, here I am single again.     

You Gonna Learn Today
At first, I blamed him, but that didn't last long.  By making him the blame, I wasn't being honest.  I knew that I needed to take responsibility for my part in order to heal.   There was something that I needed to learn or to be reminded of.  

The break up tested what I'd learned about being grateful, being positive, and the law of attraction, etc.  I was reminded that there are blessings in ALL experiences.    I learned that I'm stronger than I thought that I was.   I learned that I have the power to forgive and let things go.  I learned that I need to communicate more and speak up for myself.  I worked through my feelings about it and have come out in a better place because of that experience.  

What's Been Up
After being on the road for 2 weeks shortly afterwards, I had 2 weeks off for the holidays.  (I'm a total vacay day hoarder.)  During that time, I watched a lot of Netflix.  I caught up on Glee, and fell in love with Luther on BBC and Downton Abbey.  I also watched a few documentaries about health, which lead me to do a 30 day vegan challenge.  (More on that later.)

As most of you know, I travel quite a bit for work.  Since my last post, I've been on 19 trips.  The closest one was in Reading, Pennsylvania and the farthest was Honolulu, Hawaii.  My goal is to visit all 50 states, so I was able to knock 5 states off my list: Indiana, Iowa, Hawaii, Ohio, and Utah.

I've continued on my personal development journey.  I've been reading, journaling, and watching programs on the OWN Network like Lifeclass and Super Soul Sundays.  (What a blessing!)

You may have noticed that I switched it up around here.  What better way to clear the staleness than get a new outfit and brighten things up a bit.  I changed my blog platform to Blogger since it is pretty user friendly and FREE.  Who knows?  I may move it again, but for now I'll leave it here.  

One of the Things
Let me tell you how truly amazed I've been with how God has shown up for me.  Between the people that have been put in my life to things that I've seen on tv or in print at the perfect time to some of the encounters I've had, God is truly good.  

I posted a quote on Facebook a weeks ago and one of my FB friends who I met at a party 5 years ago posted that she was thankful for our chance meeting and that I encourage her.  She had no idea that I was feeling pretty low that day.  Her words really made me feel good and they came at the perfect time.

This is about me?
Yes, question mark.  When I started this blog, I thought that I would get on here and talk about some of my trials and testimonies, share some of the things that I've learned, maybe answer a question or two, and eventually sell some stuff.  I thought that the process would be easy.  Something would inspire me, I'd write about it effortlessly and without error, hit a button, and everything would be golden.  I didn't know about code and CSS and SEO and tags, and all of that.  I didn't really think that this blog would have that much of an impact.

I was going through the motions for a while.  Then during my hiatus, I realized that this blog is about so much more than I thought.  Sure, it's a place for me to share.  However, through sharing, I'm helping as well.  It didn't hit me until people would mention something during a casual chat or when they would ask me for advice, simply because of the things that I've written about.  I always hoped that people would find my writing to be honest, funny, and thought provoking, but I never could have imagined such a positive reception.  This is the reason why I'm back.   This isn't really about me.  It's about all of you out there.
For it is in giving that we receive. Francis of Assisi  
Shout Outs Ain't Gangsta
It's my blog and I get to do what I want.  Well... within reason.  So, before I close out this novel, I want to give a special heartfelt thank you to two people who have been behind me and have encouraged me tremendously to continue blogging:  Arelis of (My Pocketful of Thoughts) and Arlett of (Chasing Joy).  

Words can not express the overwhelming gratitude that I have for the blessing of your presence in my life.  I am honored by your friendship and I look forward to what lies ahead for all of us.  I wish you both nothing but the best that life has to offer.  Thank you guys so much for everything.  Xs and Os 

32 comments:

  1. I really wish I would have read this before I left the house and not at work because I'm crying at my desk... Who knew what an impact we would have on each other that beautiful December day in Puerto Rico. While it has only been 5 years (WOW 5 years) I feel like I've known you so much longer! Your words on a daily basis remind me of my role as Glenda, the good witch and all that the name implies. Your posts sang to my spirit and always left me looking forward to the next one! I am so happy that you've returned to writing as you've said, "This isn't really about me. It's about all of you out there." Continue to write, knowing that your words today may heal someone else going through this exact situation right now, or that it encourages someone out there who might be engaged to be more vocal about sticking up for themselves... share your journey to heal others, not just yourself. March 18th, 2013 is a special day indeed! I'm so excited for you! XO arelis

    PS Arlett is something pretty AWEsome!

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    1. Thanks DJRealAt7. The feeling is likewise. It will be cool when we meet in real life. :-)

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    2. Awww! Don't cry, Glenda! Reading this message in the airport in Texas had me all teary eyed too!! It has been 5 years! I still can't believe it! But taking a chance and accepting a dinner invite from 2 strangers from the states was one of the best things I've ever done. You are an absolutely wonderful person, a blessing to so many, not just me, and definitely a true friend for life. I wouldn't be back here had it not been for you. I appreciate and love you dearly. :-)

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  2. Wow. This is an absolutely amazing post. I'm really excited for the life that is going to open up to you now that you are focused on all that God has to show you. Gratitude, honesty, willingness to learn...they are going to take you everywhere you need to go! <3

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    1. BIB! Thank you so much!! I get nervous about all that can be, but every day, I look in the mirror and I say that I am open to the adventure and opportunities of life. The more that I say it, the more that the nervousness dissipates. Thank you for your comment! :-) Yayyyy!!!!

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  3. Yay!!!! Welcome back! I am so happy to have your blog to read again. You are part of the reason I am blogging to begin with. Without you there would likely be no Chasing Joy, No clothes raised last fall for women going from welfare to work, no up coming brunch & learn, no exhausted blogger friend who stays up way to late blogging and writing!!! Ok. I won't blame you for that last one. LOL

    Your returning to blogging is a lesson in itself. Life happens! It knocks us down and sometimes we need some time to regain our balance and get back up. But we do! You have gotten back up stronger and better able to duck and weave at the inevitable punches life will continue to throw.

    Happy Blogging!!!

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    1. I can't thank you enough for being my Voice of Reason. :-) Wow... that is just so wow. Just speechless... :'-)

      I am truly proud of all that you are doing and I look forward to your Chasing Joy Brunch and Learn event!

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  4. Oh, I just want to add. I still think that making that list for what you are looking for in a relationship is a good thing. I did it with you and my ex had over 90 qualities from my list. The thing is people do change. By the end of that relationship he no longer exhibited many of those qualities. Also I have grown so much as a person and changed that my list would look likely look totally different today. I think the list makes you really think about what you want in much more detail than you normally would. Actually, maybe it's time I do another list.

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    1. I agree completely. I definitely recommend to anyone to do a list for that reason. There is something that happens when you make a list like that. You really think about what you want and you put it out there and then the magic happens! lol

      I know that I should, but every time I think about setting aside time to do it, my heart just isn't in it. I don't know why that is, but I'm not going to force it. I'll know when it's time to revisit that. Keep me posted on how your list making goes!

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    2. I have not started my list yet. I think I'll do it soon. You'll know when you are ready :-)

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    3. Let me know how it goes! I'm curious if any of it will change from the last time.

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  5. Twin! I am soooooo happy you're back! I appreciate every ounce of transparency in this post. Your journey will indeed aid in the healing of others and along the way they will be encouraged to smile and to grow. I already am!

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    1. Twin!!! I'm so happy to be back and so happy that you're in the place too! Transparency is EXACTLY what I wanted. It was very tough for me to pull the curtain back and be totally honest. I am so proud of myself for pushing the "Publish" button and I am even more happy with how much the post is reaching people. Thank you so much for your comment!

      I sooooo can't wait to meet you, by the way. ;-)

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  6. I am happy your are back blogging. It is going to be interesting to watch the new journey with you! So, to put it simply, welcome back to the blogosphere, it is nice to have you here.

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  7. Welcome back to the blogging world, Diva! I'm so glad to have connected with you during this time of transition and growth. It's amazing the connections we make with fellow bloggers that motivate, inspire and empower us. Your words, experiences and perspective have and will continue bless others. Keep pressing forward!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Michelle! I'm glad to have connected with you as well! I hope to see you at the Chasing Joy event next month! :-)

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  9. WOW. thank you for sharing your story with the world. I know exactly what a failed engagement feels like. The healing process is rough but so worth you.
    You have an inner strength that can't be beat and it glows from within. Kudos to you and I'm looking forward to seeing where this positive journey leads!

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    1. You're very welcome and thank you for sharing yours as well! I really appreciate your coming by and commenting and I hope to see you here again!

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  10. You are the best!!! Beautiful, intelligent, kind, giving, supportive, loving and a wonderful friend. Thank you for sharing your story. I have been through this myself but ..... God. He knows all things and only wants the best for us. Be encouraged and stay sweet. I am so excited for what is in store for your life!!!
    Much love my friend and sister.

    Samantha JF

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    1. Aww Sam! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your comment!! Big hug and kisses!

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  11. Girl. I can't love this post more! The fact that you can see the goodness of God in the midst of bad times says so much about who you are. I am so thankful for our chance meeting! You continue to encourage me and remind me of the beauty of life, and I cherish our friendship! Hugs, girl! Thank you for your beauty and honesty! Btw: I'm praying good things for you!

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    1. Leah!! Did you see your little shout out?? That day that you wrote that REALLY touched me. Totally brought me to tears and warmed my heart. I see your posts and pics and I see how hard you work every day with balancing family and taking care of your well-being. You are an inspiration to me too. I truly treasure our friendship. Thank you for your compliments and your prayers and I reciprocate them wholeheartedly to you and your beautiful family. :-)

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  12. can i tell you how proud i am of you? you shared something you didn't have to share at all. and in doing so, it showed how courageous and blessed you truly are. can't wait for new posts!

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    1. Little sis! I am TOTALLY proud of you too! Thank you so much for staying in touch and for continuing to support me. I appreciate you. :-)

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  13. I love this my Beebs!! So open and honest!! Can't wait for the next one...and we're smiling...

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    1. We are indeed smiling, my friend! Love and miss you!! Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. "-)

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  14. Thanks for sharing! What I enjoy most about you is the fact that you are so positive, and it seems that you try to see the positive in every situation and learn/grow from negative experiences. I think a lot of people can relate to your experiences, and the way you are handling yours is inspiring. Keep on writing and sharing!

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    1. Thank you for your warm words, Sarale. I appreciate you. :-)

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  15. Welcome back, I'm over from Chasing_Joy, blogging can be very therapuetic. I find it relaxing and you can form wonderful friendships. Best of luck with it and I hope it brings you more than you can imagine :)

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    1. Thank you so much for visiting! I appreciate your comment! :-)

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