Wednesday, December 18, 2013


Photo by _namtaf_
I hate mopping my floor.  I know that I don't do it as often as I should, so one day I decided to do it old school.  I decided to scrub it by hand.   

As I scrubbed, the area lightened to reveal a brighter surface underneath.  The layer was revealed.

Even though I couldn't see it on the floor, some old gray cat fur from Bella came up and was stuck in my brush.  The thing is, Bella died over 2 years ago.  I've mopped my floor many times since she's passed, but the mop just cleaned the surface.  

I have a new cat, Chessie,  and before I adopted her, I cleaned out Bella's old toys and things.  I wanted Chessie to be able to make my home her own and feel comfortable.  Animals are pretty sensitive about these things.  I thought that I was successful, especially since Chessie adjusted very well, but in scrubbing the floor, I found that Bella was very much still here. I hadn't cleared my house of her as much as I thought.

I thought about how this applied to my own life.  I looked at my relationships in particular.  For the most part, gave myself time to heal from 
heartaches and work through the things that had happened before I moved on to the next one.  I thought that I was totally ready to venture into something new, when in actuality, I hadn't fully healed.  

I thought that I was fine.  I can say an ex's name with out breaking out a voodoo doll or wishing for his penis to fall off.  I can think about a past relationship and take responsibility for my own mistakes.  I can see them or talk to them and be civil.  I can think of exes and honestly wish the best for them.  I moved on and they did too, but there was this thin film that I didn't know was there.  It recently came up when I took it upon myself to focus on true forgiveness and healing in my life.

At standing eye level, everything looks fine, but when you kneel down and start scrubbing that dull surface, you can see that the dullness is a thin layer of impacted dirt that had formed over the years.  Despite sweeping and mopping it, it was still there.  It takes special attention and serious work to clear it completely.   Elbow grease and loving care should help it along.

You will find that when you get into it, there will be things that come up, that you will be amazed are still there after all these years: buildup from past relationships in high school, residual dirt from issues from your childhood, and all kinds of pathologies that have been passed down through generations that you never even knew. 

As painful or as gross as it is, know that it gets worse before it gets better.  Dip your brush in the bucket and keep scrubbing.  You'll get through it and you'll be so much better for it.

Lights.  Camera.  Action.
In the comments below, what are you currently working to heal?  What techniques are you using to clear past hurts from your life?  Remember, your response can help others who are going through similar situations.  I look forward to reading what you have to say.

Happy New Year!!
By the next time you'll hear from me, it will be 2014!!!  I want to thank you all for your continued support.  You all have taught me so much this year about kindness, goodness, vulnerability, connection, and unity.  You've taught me that we are all one.  

I wish all of you a joyously blessed holiday season and peace, prosperity, and good health in the new year!  :-)

Photo credit lurve: Photo by _namtaf_


  1. Another positive post as always.

    Happy New year to you also, Pillowz.

  2. As soon as I read the topic of your post I began thinking about my layers. I'm not sure I have revealed the under layers. One way I peel them back or scrap them off is by journaling. Just freehand, a releasing of thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it's poetic. Other times it's a sudden realization after talking to someone about the past. We have to be aware of the thoughts that seem to flutter through our minds. If not we'll miss something that could potentially be a life-changing moment.

  3. The therapy process reveals that many things that we think we have overcome are still beneath the surface.